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Woody Allen Quotes

A stockbroker is someone who invests other people's money until it's all gone.

I don't want to achieve immortality through my work; I want to achieve immortality through not dying.

I am not afraid of death, I just don't want to be there when it happens.

Money is better than poverty, if only for financial reasons.

If it turns out that there is a God, I don't think that he's evil. But the worst that you can say about him is that basically he's an underachiever.

I don't believe in afterlife, although I am bringing a change of underwear.

Interestingly, according to modern astronomers, space is finite. This is a very comforting thought - particularly for people who can never remember where they have left things.

If only God would give me some clear sign! Like making a large deposit in my name at a Swiss bank.

I'm astounded by people who want to 'know' the universe when it's hard enough to find your way around Chinatown.

As the poet said, 'Only God can make a tree' -- probably because it's so hard to figure out how to get the bark on.

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Cheeky Quotes

Carl McCrosky's Photos

Don't you hate when your hand falls asleep and you know it will be up all night.

Steven Wright