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Phyllis Diller Quotes

I'm looking for a perfume to overpower men. I'm sick of karate.

Always be nice to your children because they are the ones who will choose your rest home.

My husband always felt that a marriage and career don't mix. That's why he's never worked.

Never go to bed mad. Stay up and fight.

Aim high and you won't shoot your foot off.

Cleaning your house while your kids are still growing is like shoveling the walk before it stops snowing.

Housework can't kill you, but why take a chance?

Best way to get rid of kitchen odors: eat out.

I'm at an age when my back goes out more than I do.

We spend the first twelve months of our children's lives teaching them to walk and talk and the next twelve telling them to sit down and shut up.

A bachelor is a guy who never made the same mistake once.

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Cheeky Quotes

Carl McCrosky's Photos

I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof.

Rodney Dangerfield