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Johnny Carson Quotes

For three days after death, hair and fingernails continue to grow but phone calls taper off.

New York is an exciting town where something is happening all the time, most unsolved.

If life was fair, Elvis would be alive and all the impersonators would be dead.

Mail your packages early so the post office can lose them in time for Christmas.

I know a man who gave up smoking, drinking, sex, and rich food. He was healthy right up to the day he killed himself.

Never use a big word when a little filthy one will do.

Anytime four New Yorkers get into a cab together without arguing, a bank robbery has just taken place.

Married men live longer than single men. But married men are a lot more willing to die.

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Cheeky Quotes

Carl McCrosky's Photos

I'd like to play a horse, many people think I already have. Either end of the horse would be fine.

Dawn French