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Ellen DeGeneres Quotes

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What's with this sudden choice of disorders we get right now? When I was a kid, we just had crazy people, that's it, just crazy people.


(about local news) They do these teases to get you to watch late on. They're so incredibly cruel: "It could be the most deadly thing in the world and you may be having it for dinner. We'll tell you what it is tonight at 11:00."


I'm a godmother, that's a great thing to be, a godmother. She calls me god for short, that's cute, I taught her that.


Stuffed deer heads on walls are bad enough, but it's worse when they are wearing dark glasses and have streamers in their antlers because then you know they were enjoying themselves at a party when they were shot.


I have all these people to give Christmas gifts to, and you know what I've found? There are some very nice things at the 99-cent store.


In the beginning there was nothing. God said, "Let there be light!" And there was light. There was still nothing, but you could see it a whole lot better.


My grandmother started walking five miles a day when she was sixty. She's ninety-seven now, and we don't know where the hell she is.


Our attention span is shot. We've all got Attention Deficit Disorder or ADD or OCD or one of these disorders with three letters because we don't have the time or patience to pronounce the entire disorder. That should be a disorder right there, TBD - too busy disorder.


I ask people why they have deer heads on their walls. They always say because it's such a beautiful animal. There you go. I think my mother is attractive, but I have photographs of her.


Normal is getting dressed in clothes that you buy for work and driving through traffic in a car that you are still paying for - in order to get to the job you need to pay for the clothes and the car, and the house you leave vacant all day so you can afford to live in it.


If we don't want to define ourselves by things as superficial as our appearances, we're stuck with the revolting alternative of being judged by our actions.


The sixties were when hallucinogentic drugs were really, really big. And I don't think it's a coincidence that we had the type of shows we had then, like The Flying Nun.



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